…I’ll learn to stick with something. I have some new goals and focuses. Some new plans too. Clearly, we all know how well stay motivated though.
I started being more conscientious of what I’ve been eating. I’ve been eating at more appropriate times. Working out was consistent. I’ve been sleeping wayyyy better. All of this was true, until this past week. I lost 6 pounds in two weeks. Then I fell off the wagon. Not drastically. It was enough to throw everything off though. I think a lot of it had to do with picking up so many extra shifts last week and throwing my whole schedule off. I’m not complaining. I could really use the money. So it’s fine. I’m now trying to get into maintenance mode and get back on track. I think nannying this week will help. There’s a bit more structure and routine. So we’ll see. Again, most attempts in my life are short lived.
I went inactive today at CrossFit. It’s hard to explain (and even figure out, basically) why. Part of it is money. I need money for school. and bills. and food. I really don’t feel like that’s the big reason though. I need a vacation. I don’t necessarily mean on the beach, which would be just as fine by me. I mean from life. From people. From civilization. I can’t not work. I don’t have a ton of friends anyways, so it’s not like I have to really cut myself off from people. This is really the only thing I can think of right now. I’ve been going at 7am. Which has been great. But still. I don’t know. It freaks me the fuck out to be honest. I know it won’t be forever, but still. I don’t want to get fat and weak. Looks like I’m going to have to find some self motivation here. That’s a scary thought.
I’ve also decided to delete my facebook app. Not the whole thing, just the app. I’ve already deleted my twitter app. I’m trying to stay off social media for a bit. That ties in with my vacation from civilization bit. I’m keeping tumblr around. Hopefully I can keep up with posts and see how certain things pan out. I’m keeping Instagram for my other project. (keep reading to understand) I’m just trying to lay low for a bit and maybe fall off the face of the earth for a bit. It will be interesting to see how much contact I actually have with people too. Without CrossFit and social media, I figure I’ll figure out how many people actually want to make an effort to talk. Should be interesting.
I’m also planning on deleting my netflix account.
All of this may seem and it extreme and dramatic. So, let me explain. I’ve been catching up with Gossip Girl on netflix recently. I watched the first three seasons religiously. Every monday night, 9 pm. Then I stopped. Now that it’s over, they are all on netflix. Anyways, I’m on the last season. I’m not sure if it was the show, or the memories it brought back, but I got to thinking. I really need to start thinking about getting my shit together. I know I’m only 21. I’m well aware. Everyone needs to stop reminding me. Everyone also needs to stop telling me I have plenty of time. No more comparing my life to your early adulthood, either. Please. I get it. However, this is me. I’ve been sitting around for almost 4 years now. All of this because I, and everyone else around me, was well aware that I was so young. Enough is enough. I grew lazy, and complacent over these past 4 years. Something’s gotta give. So I’ve made a pact with myself. When I finish Gossip Girl, I’m going to take a break from social media, and a lot of other distractions I have. I’m going to use that time to figure out my life. At least some of it. I don’t have some great big epic epiphany I’m going off of. I also have no idea how I’m going to figure out my life.
So I’m just going to spend the next X amount of days doing things I don’t usually do. I’m going to start running. Again. I’m going to make my runs a little more interesting to incorporate something to give me my CrossFit fix. I’m also going to try to do them in all these cool new places I’ve yet to discover. I used my gift cards I found to buy a pair of trail running shoes. I’m kind of excited. I’m going to get back in to reading too. I’m replacing TV and netflix with books. That’s always good. I’m also going to use this time to focus on some “home improvement” projects I’ve been putting off. Hopefully somehow this will shed some light on my life. Or something.
I’ve found at this time of year, I tend to get a little down and out. I hate the cold. I really really do. I think that has a lot to do with it. I also think the fact that I don’t do shit in winter, doesn’t really help either. So, I have another goal. I’m going to start bundling up and doing more things outside. I think running is really about as far as I’ll get for now, but we’ll see.
Now that all of that is off my chest, let’s take this one day at a time. We’ll see what happens tomorrow.