Here we go.. Again..

I don’t know if it’s the sunshine, or my bitterness that motivated me today. I did a home wod. It’s my first time working out since I quit CrossFit. I intend to join LA this week. For now, this is good.

I used the “kick ass in April” as a warm up. Think I needed to get a little more warm though. My “programming” is a work in progress. Space is limited, so I made due.

Day 1
Warm up
10 squats
15 burpees (it was supposed to be 30 seconds. However, my timer is on the phone. Which was on the dock for music)
15 second wall sit

For time:
10 burpees
20 push-ups
30 squats
40 single unders (I bet my neighbors hate me for that choice)
50 sit-ups


I was going to go back down the ladder again, but I decided to start with baby steps. I’d like to convince myself to enjoy this beautiful weather with a run. However, my thighs are already shot, my feet are shaking, and I’m a puss. We’ll have to check the weather tomorrow ;)

If I can keep this up, along with my good eats, big things could happen. Let’s see where this goes.

December first?!

Yowza! They say time flies. I guess that all depends on the situation. I’m beginning my “15 month plan”. At least that’s what I’ve been calling it. I’ve dedicated each of the next 15 months to one (sometimes two) specific CrossFit skill. In a perfect world, I’ll be ready to get invited to the 2015 NorthEast Regionals. In a more realistic world, I’ll become a better, well rounded, athlete and reach a lot of awesome goals. I figure, either way, not a bad outcome. I’m really hoping I can use all the stress that’s been going on, and turn it into motivation and self-displince. I’m optimistic. Along with each skill, I’m using the next 15 months for a lot of other things. Better eating, obviously. No more drinking, or smoking. Yikes. I’m hoping to lose weight with all of these changes and be navy ready. Just in case that’s still where my head is at. Booze makes you fat. So do poor eating habits, smoking, and lack of sleep. All things to work on. I’m also going to apply for every tolerable job I can think of. The more I work, the less time I have to think about stress, to eat crappy, to drink, etc. Plus I could really use the money. Nano 3.0s are calling my name. Along with my new car insurance bill. I swear to god, sometimes it feels like I pay to take a shit. I can’t seem to catch a break financially lately. Just another reason to work more. Working keeps me out of trouble too. Not that I really get into trouble? I’m just saying.

By the way; 15 months puts us at the 2015 open if you look at a calendar. Just to clarify, why 15?

I would really love to get into all of my personal, stressful details, but let’s face it, you don’t really care. ;) Not to mention I need to think about sleep. I have a 16 hour shift tomorrow. Not looking forward to that. Then pretty much packing until 3am, and a 2 hour drive. So. That’s good.

Until next time…


I’m watching the Today show right now. There’s a “motivation expert” on. I’m curious as to what he has to say. I took notes. First, he mentions what he learned from a man (the only man) to complete 6 double Iron Mans. (Don’t quote me on that. I think that’s what he said) Anyways, he said when asked “How’d you do it?” his response was; “I learned to talk to myself, instead of listening to myself”. Well I’ll be damned. That makes so much sense. If I listen to myself, I sit on the couch, eating pasta, all the time. I tell myself to be better. To do more. To fight harder. All the time. Doesn’t mean I always listen. Good point. I’ll take it.  He mentioned routine. This was in reference to someone saying their goal was to keep better in touch. So it was suggested to make a routine. Just to take 5-10 minutes to send an email. Even though that wasn’t really on my goals list, it is now. When I realize that’s all the time it takes, it seems way more inexcusable. Check. When they talked about cleaning and renovation projects, this guy suggested to break it down in more manageable and doable tasks. This is clearly a given, I feel. I’ll still give him credit though. It is a given, for a reason. Done. The last point he touched on was having one word. Just one. Use that word to motivate you and remind you of your goal. Seems a little cliche, but still valid. Games is going to be my word.

This brings me to my motivation points. I’ve made some goals. Th end of the year is coming. I want to be the crowds. So we’re going goals now.

I’ve dedicated 2014 to training for the games. In an ideal world, that would mean I get invited to the 2015 regionals. Now, this is very far-fetched. It is. Some people feed me that “you can do anything you set your mind to!” bull shit. No. It’s far fetched. Not impossible. It would really be a reach though. So you may be thinking, “So, why bother?”. Well my friends, here’s my logic: Why not? If I bust my ass for well over a year, and don’t make it, would it have been worthless? How could it be? So I don’t get invited to regionals. After a year, I’m willing to bet that I’m still a pretty bad-ass athlete. At that point, hopefully I’ll just keep working harder until I get there. Until then, I don’t think working really hard for something  is a bad idea. So I’m going for it. The key will be staying motivated. I’m working on it. 

I’ve broken it down into some very specific steps. I like to think they’re really well thought out too. I’m not going to share them though. I don’t need any more competition than I already have. ;) Plus, if you have similar goals, I shouldn’t help the enemy.

More to come later. Just a few thoughts of the moment.

Still to come…

Veteran’s Day

Heroes Week @ CFJ

A little on love

The rest of my goals

Stay tuned.

Two days in a row

It won’t actually be once I post this though… I’m going to bed and saving this for tomorrow… which will be today… when I post it…

I was laying here last night, thinking, then googling. Then, I was irritated. They had to give me a new person to see at the doctors. Mine had left. (good riddance) Anyways, they gave me a CNM to see. Which is thoroughly irritating for multiple reasons. I’m giving the situation the benefit of the doubt. I’m hoping she’ll even tell me to start seeing the actual doctor. Obviously the woman who gave me the appt doesn’t know anything about me. She doesn’t know my history, it’s not her job. Fair enough. However, as a 21 year old, I would assume my chances of needing a mid-wife are slim to none. Granted, society nowadays says otherwise. But, come on. Give ME the benefit of the doubt. Not only do I not need a mid-wife, I probably need a doctor. I’ll leave the TMI details out. Just know, there’s enough going on that I’d like to talk to a doctor about. Whatever. My appointment is next week. I guess I’ll just have to see what happens. I thought about calling and asking to see someone else. I don’t want to make a new appointment though. I probably would keep putting it off. I’m going to make a list for her. See if she can pass the test.

In other parts of the world…

Ate like crap. Again. So that’s cool. Most likely will tomorrow, too. I’m kind of over it. I know I need to get back to being better. I know that. However, sometimes, you just have to accept some days to be a wash. Take the loss, get over it, move on. The trick is, learning. Changing. Trying for less losses. Look at me, all inspirational, and deep, and shit. It’s 0918 and I’m feeling motivated. This is exciting. Usually my motivation comes at like 2230 and is gone by the time I wake up. I’ve got my new clothes on. My new sneakers are ready by the door. This could be good. I’m going to go exploring!

I think I’m going to start something new when I get home. It’s going to involve my camera, exploring, and tumblr. It should be great. You’re welcome for allowing you all unknown strangers of the internet to be a part of it.

I really want to take a nap. I must fight the urge. I have some research to tend to anyways. Maybe I’ll do that first.

So far I’ve had oatmeal and coffee for breakfast. Typically I’d have an egg too. I’m over that idea. I should go to the store at some point. Grab some salad?  Who knows. I need a plan. I also need $1200. The phleb program had an opening for December. At first I thought, great! Then they told me I needed the full payment by November 18th. Good, I’ll just pull that out of my ass. Granted, I’ve picked up a lot of extra shifts at work. When I started nannying though, I thought I’d be all set. The first week I left with enough money to cover my bills, and excess left over. If tat continued I’d be good to go within 6 weeks. Then my hours were becoming less and it wasn’t every week. Long story short. I’m short. A lot of money. I’m hesitant to put in for shifts in December. What if a miracle happens, and I come up with the money? I can’t bail on shifts. Work would be pissed. What if I don’t get the money though? I’ll have missed out on a lot of shifts.  BLAH BLAH BLAH I’M SO STRESSED.

Over it. I’m moving on with my day and I’m going to stop thinking about things.

Until the next one…

Some day…

…I’ll learn to stick with something. I have some new goals and focuses. Some new plans too. Clearly, we all know how well stay motivated though.

I started being more conscientious of what I’ve been eating. I’ve been eating at more appropriate times. Working out was consistent. I’ve been sleeping wayyyy better. All of this was true, until this past week. I lost 6 pounds in two weeks. Then I fell off the wagon. Not drastically. It was enough to throw everything off though. I think a lot of it had to do with picking up so many extra shifts last week and throwing my whole schedule off. I’m not complaining. I could really use the money. So it’s fine. I’m now trying to get into maintenance mode and get back on track. I think nannying this week will help. There’s a bit more structure and routine. So we’ll see. Again, most attempts in my life are short lived.

I went inactive today at CrossFit. It’s hard to explain (and even figure out, basically) why. Part of it is money. I need money for school. and bills. and food. I really don’t feel like that’s the big reason though. I need a vacation. I don’t necessarily mean on the beach, which would be just as fine by me. I mean from life. From people. From civilization. I can’t not work. I don’t have a ton of friends anyways, so it’s not like I have to really cut myself off from people. This is really the only thing I can think of right now. I’ve been going at 7am. Which has been great. But still. I don’t know. It freaks me the fuck out to be honest. I know it won’t be forever, but still. I don’t want to get fat and weak. Looks like I’m going to have to find some self motivation here. That’s a scary thought.

I’ve also decided to delete my facebook app. Not the whole thing, just the app. I’ve already deleted my twitter app. I’m trying to stay off social media for a bit. That ties in with my vacation from civilization bit. I’m keeping tumblr around. Hopefully I can keep up with posts and see how certain things pan out. I’m keeping Instagram for my other project. (keep reading to understand) I’m just trying to lay low for a bit and maybe fall off the face of the earth for a bit. It will be interesting to see how much contact I actually have with people too. Without CrossFit and social media, I figure I’ll figure out how many people actually want to make an effort to talk. Should be interesting.

I’m also planning on deleting my netflix account.

All of this may seem and it extreme and dramatic. So, let me explain. I’ve been catching up with Gossip Girl on netflix recently. I watched the first three seasons religiously. Every monday night, 9 pm. Then I stopped. Now that it’s over, they are all on netflix. Anyways, I’m on the last season. I’m not sure if it was the show, or the memories it brought back, but I got to thinking. I really need to start thinking about getting my shit together. I know I’m only 21. I’m well aware. Everyone needs to stop reminding me. Everyone also needs to stop telling me I have plenty of time. No more comparing my life to your early adulthood, either. Please. I get it. However, this is me. I’ve been sitting around for almost 4 years now. All of this because I, and everyone else around me, was well aware that I was so young. Enough is enough. I grew lazy, and complacent over these past 4 years. Something’s gotta give. So I’ve made a pact with myself. When I finish Gossip Girl, I’m going to take a break from social media, and a lot of other distractions I have. I’m going to use that time to figure out my life. At least some of it. I don’t have some great big epic epiphany I’m going off of. I also have no idea how I’m going to figure out my life.

So I’m just going to spend the next X amount of days doing things I don’t usually do. I’m going to start running. Again. I’m going to make my runs a little more interesting to incorporate something to give me my CrossFit fix. I’m also going to try to do them in all these cool new places I’ve yet to discover. I used my gift cards I found to buy a pair of trail running shoes. I’m kind of excited. I’m going to get back in to reading too. I’m replacing TV and netflix with books. That’s always good. I’m also going to use this time to focus on some “home improvement” projects I’ve been putting off. Hopefully somehow this will shed some light on my life. Or something.

I’ve found at this time of year, I tend to get a little down and out. I hate the cold. I really really do. I think that has a lot to do with it. I also think the fact that I don’t do shit in winter, doesn’t really help either. So, I have another goal. I’m going to start bundling up and doing more things outside. I think running is really about as far as I’ll get for now, but we’ll see.

Now that all of that is off my chest, let’s take this one day at a time. We’ll see what happens tomorrow.

I say fuck #7 but that's just me.



Sounds like something Ron Swanson would say!
Seriously though, if you don’t like breakfast food, WHY NOT? It doesn’t make sense! The promise of a hearty breakfast is one of the very few things that can get me out of bed before 10 AM. 

Don’t trust em. Either their lying. Or there’s something seriously wrong.



Sounds like something Ron Swanson would say!

Seriously though, if you don’t like breakfast food, WHY NOT? It doesn’t make sense! The promise of a hearty breakfast is one of the very few things that can get me out of bed before 10 AM. 

Don’t trust em. Either their lying. Or there’s something seriously wrong.

(via somewhereoncoastlines)

(Source: onlyfitgirls)















^^^^ sometimes all it takes is an Aladdin reference to turn your whole day around. 👍

(via debbyasher-deactivated20131102)